I am a Chartered Accountancy Profesional (CAP) II student in Nepal, and I want to share a deeply personal and somber reflection on a journey that has been marked by disappointment, shattered dreams, and the harsh realities of life.
My story begins with high hopes and aspirations, like many of my fellow students. I embarked on my CAP-II journey with the aim of becoming a Chartered Accountant. However, fate had different plans in store for me. The CAP-II exams, originally scheduled for June 2020, were postponed to December 2020, a delay that left me disheartened and uncertain about my future. Regrettably, I did not take those exams as planned.
The challenges continued as the exams slated for June 2021 were postponed once more, this time to August 2021. It was during this period of uncertainty and delay that I watched my peers, who had started the journey with me, progress to CAP-III exams. They were on the verge of realizing their dreams of becoming CAs, while I remained stuck in CAP-II.
Finally, in December 2021, I mustered the courage to start taking the exams, but success remained elusive. Failure became a constant companion, and no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t pass the exams that held the key to my future. It was a soul-crushing experience, and it left me feeling like a complete failure.
Amidst the sea of failures, there was a faint glimmer of hope in December 2022 when I received an exemption in the “Marketing and Business Communication” subject. However, it was a small victory in a series of overwhelming defeats, a reminder that progress was possible, but far from guaranteed.
In June 2023, I managed to pass Group II, a moment of bittersweet success. Yet, the dark cloud of failure still hung over me as I struggled to clear Group I. I watched my friends inch closer to becoming CAs while I remained in a never-ending cycle of disappointment.
This journey has taken a toll on my mental well-being, and I have often found myself in the depths of depression. I feel like a burden to my family, a shame to my parents, and a failure in the eyes of society. I’ve contributed nothing, and the bleak uncertainty of whether I will ever secure a job in this fiercely competitive field haunts my thoughts daily.
In these moments of despair, I can’t help but ponder the harsh reality that dreams do not always come true for everyone. The world can be unforgiving and unkind, and success is often elusive, even when we give our best efforts.
As I stand here, I contemplate the uncertainty of my future. The once-bright dreams I held have faded into the background, and I fear that mediocrity might be the best I can hope for. The relentless struggle has led me to question if this life is worth living, and it’s a question that lingers in my mind.
I feel like my story has been a stark reminder that life can be brutally challenging, and dreams do not always materialize as we envision them. It’s a testament to the competitive and often unforgiving nature of the world we live in. I hope my journey serves as a stark cautionary tale, highlighting the importance of mental health support, resilience, and the recognition that not everyone’s path to success is straightforward or guaranteed.