When I was a kid, I was surrounded with the vibrant world around me. I cherished life’s simple joys, and sang from the depths of my heart. But as I’ve grew up- I find myself trapped within a body that knows only pain and a mind plagued by vanity. My existence often feels numb, except for those moments when anxiety’s relentless grip tightens.
Once again, anxiety has returned, and this time, I feel utterly alone, unheard, and uncounted. I bear the weight of judgment without sharing the battles raging within me. Why am I fighting myself? Where does this relentless pain originate from? Will I ever be okay?I don’t know, I don’t know! I am lost, utterly lost. I wish for answers I do not have.
As I clutch my pillow, seeking refuge from the inner screams, I cannot squeeze out my pain. It runs in me relentlessly, vowing consistency. How much longer must I endure? They say one cannot outrun pain, only time can dull its edges. In my case, time seems to magnify it. Some, if not all, of my wounds remain as fresh as they were yesterday. I futilely attempt to heal from the wounds of abandonment, only to find myself back where I started, vulnerable and broken.
I feel myself fading, powerless to stop it, nor do I wish to. The unending pain leaves me questioning whether I was made from pain or if pain was crafted for me. I sacrifice my own happiness to let others find theirs. I wish I had never known the light to experience this darkness consuming me. My voice is growing fainter, and I can no longer speak for myself, for I see no one and nothing before me, only the shadows of once upon a time.
It’s not that my heart doesn’t long for warmth, or that I haven’t tried to better myself, but I find myself pulled back into the abyss I wished to leave behind. JM
View on r/Nepal by Character-Bad1410
You really are gifted to word and express your feelings and the resembleance of your writing for me is really uncanny,thanks for posting this!
Sorry to hear that. On a side note, that is some professional level writing.
well written brev
Sorry you feel that way, Amazing writing btw.
Time does nothing if you do not put an effort. Time does not heal, only conscious and consistent effort does.
Pulled into abyss feels like a rope which is dangling from nowhere and swinging to nowhere. One often does not see a ground to land. On few occasions when one does, the force of the dangling rope is such that they keep on holding and swinging before their feet could even touch the ground. They keep on dangling and swinging, and for so long that they are afraid to let go of the swing, to land on a ground.
Then one day they realize it is too much to handle and choose one of the two options: Either they tangle the rope with their body or they start to ferociously climb up the rope. For the second option: They fail. They climb up. They fail again. They climb up. They fail. And one day, they are so tired to even try, and unfortunately, accept that the reality they are facing is an end all.
This leads to three options: Either they hold on to their unfortunate fate and stay in abyss until perpetuity or they tangle the rope with their body, or they analyze why their rope is swinging so much, take a deep breath and focus first to stop the ropes swinging before slowly and consistently climb up the rope.
I hope you have the energy to stop ropes swinging and climb up the rope. Good luck!
Commenting for boost
I feel this. It’s sad but hey we learn to live with it.
🤌😭
I, too, at times gasp for breath with my heart striving to hop out of me. I used to wish I let it out through the walls of my chest and retire for once and ever.
Nevertheless, I’ve learnt to surrender in the arms of nature and accept everything that comes my way. Laughter, tears, agony and screams mean nothing to me because I reckon we are just specks of cosmic dust traveling through a dimension of universe whose reversal has been explored but unfound. Although just specks, immensely complicated and wonderful specks, with billions of microscopic cells forming, playing and dying inside us every second.