I am 19(F). Looking at my recent behavior I just realized that, I have very immature behavior.I cannot have conversations with strangers , not even talk openly with my yrs old friend and my close relatives. I would describe myself as shy, unable to approach people, cannot speak confidently and when I speak I speak haphazardly without thinking and tend to create problems for myself.like my communication skill and social behavior is literally 0.
The irony is that I have seen my friends who speak curse words, they are not like ‘sati savitri ‘ they have fun, bunk class, have boyfriend and here I am who look like very ‘sojhi’ , who don’t know how to express myself or I don’t sing and dance in parties, neither I post much in social media or go for outing with friends as I am not so fun person my friends also don’t prefer me much but it’s not their fault. I am basically dumb and I don’t know how to be clever.I can’t go even for shopping by myself without my mother. I don’t like the person who I have become. I get emotionally triggered easily and am unable to give conscious response coz this has become my habit.
So if I have to sum up my life I am the Creator of problems in my life. I don’t know how to handle my life. I am unable to believe I became this dumb.
What you’re explaining is you not being “dumb” but just being socially anxious.And it’s completely fine.
First of all no dumb person has this level of introspection. 🙃
– Decent English
– Introspective
– Doesn’t blame others for life’s problem
– Have desire to grow
These are all good qualities, sis. People have their own strength and weakness. You don’t need to curse or hang out with boyfriends if that’s not your jam. Seek other creative outlets, things you enjoy, be good at them, and I promise, you will start being confident, fluent and will also have a boyfriend.
First of all you are not dumb. You might have social anxiety.
Same pinch girl. I stutter a lot while speaking to people. I can’t look at their eyes.
Communication and social skills both suck. I don’t even say Namaskar to new people because I don’t know what to say after that. I don’t look at their eyes as a whole that way I try to get away from awkwardness. I have a handful of friends but I am too lazy to maintain that relationship.
>I am the Creator of problems in my life
Since you’re the creator, You’re also the demolisher of your problems
Try to find a hobby or develop the hobby in which you’ve slight interest (ik it’s hard but still we’ve to try if we want change) and try to read some fictional and some non-fictional books cause they’ll help you to shift your perspective and see the life through an different view and enjoy it no matter what
Male but(us bro us)
sab ko eutai comment raixa, same as me vandai
aba mero ni tei ho, pretty similar situation, hamro household ma ta esto lai sojo haina lato/lati vanxa….dherai dialogue khaisake esto vanera
Easy way to get rid of social anxiety is to do those government paperworks alone, eat alone at restaurants and ask the waiter to suggest you what to eat (Starting conversation 101). Passport banauna jane bela affai jane Google maps use garerw, tyaha ko sabai process follow garne thaha xaina vane tei ko manxe lai sodhne kasari garne vanerw. It’s make it or break it in government offices. Sounds kinda dumb but socializing is the only way to get rid of social anxiety.
I have also same problem. Thats happening due to social anxiety.
Firstly, you don’t have to compare your life with your friends. Bunking class, having fun, making bf maybe you don’t need it. Your true friend will prefer you no matter who you are and help you improve. You are young don’t classify yourself as dumb or other nonsense just cause you are prolly an introvert and socially anxious . Maybe things you aren’t happy with you’ll change and improve by next year and would look back and laugh it off. You don’t have to overthink and get panic attacks at such small things.
HELLO I AM THE MALE VERSION OF THE SAME PROBLEM
u haina u aint dumb haina. just tyo u fear what others will say yeti matra. u r 19, i say expand ur circles. try to go out. there is so much in life to experience
Just try to express yourself. visit new place. try to talk with them {new people}. try some jobs{such in cafe, restaurant} where you can interact with much people. where you will compelled to speak. boldina vanna ni mildaina. college ni ramrai thau ho. Jobs are best place to interact with other where you can talk with different people hai. read some books watch movies or try to get knowledge where you can share your opinion. aba aafulai tha nai navako kurama bolnai sakinna whatever it can be. knowledge vaye po debate garna sakiyo aafno opinion rakhna sakiyo. ani try to go alone nearest shops, shoping Centre.
Us bhai (behen) us.
Why is this so relatable?
Is this the state of most teenagers in our current generation?or was it the same in the past?
Us moment
There’s nothing ‘Dumb’ about it. Be easy on yourself, you’re 19. If you’ve realized you tend to stay away from social interactions, its best to start slow and build up from there.
It’s actually mature of you, that you’ve identified your nature at such a young age.
Here to give my unnecessary opinions again. As always take everything I say with a grain of salt.
Growing up “dumb” is not what I’d call your situation. Like someone else who said in the comments. Someone who was actually dumb wouldn’t have such introspection on their situation like you. You seem to have social anxiety with how you’ve told us your situation. Now, that is something you might want to improve on and there’s ton of people even in this comment section who will give you advice on how to improve on that. Just remember that improvement in any aspect is a slow process and it’ll take time, especially in cases of social anxiety if you want to improve, you’ll face many challenges and embarrassments but you have to overcome them and remember, In the long run no one will remember your own embarrassing moments more than you(aka No one cares which is a good thing cause you can truly improve).
I think another problem you pointed out is in our society, being ‘sojho/sojhi’ is looked down upon while being ‘chatur~ish’ is kind of laughed at and promoted, in most cases. But trust me being one or the other isn’t necessarily better off than the other too.
Another thing I see in your post is that you’ve got quite the FOMO yourself. It might not be too severe or something you may be realizing now but it is there. Also, who doesn’t have FOMO in this generation, right? But trust me, you don’t need to be posting much on social medias to show how your life is going, dancing and singing in parties to have fun, or heck even try to keep up with everyone. The thing which you have to do is find things that genuinely interests you or is fun for YOU. Not for other people, the society or anything but YOU and do that. I’ve been called a boorish person, not so fun to be with in many situations just cause I didn’t dance or sing in occasions or post much in social media but I don’t mind it cause it’s not something that interests me. For you, if these things interest you then great! go for it, do it, try to improve on it. If it doesn’t, then well it doesn’t matter. If you or anyone reading this would like to hit me up on this topic or anything bothering you sure hit me up, if I’m free I’ll be glad to help, otherwise this has become too long and too short of a thing to explain everything.
🤝
Don’t be too harsh on yourself. You’ll get plenty of opportunities to do so in the future. Life won’t be kind then. But for now you will automatically create your own personality. Just be open to a lot of spectrum of emotions life throws at you.
Take small steps imo.
Ximeki vetda ” chya khanu vo ? ” bata start garne ho social anxiety kam garna. Manxe sanga bolna thalesi nai ta ho social anxiety kam hune.
Not dumb , introvert mayyyyybe
Hey you’re Female version of me
K
Social Anxiety not dumb. Look into it
I love them dumb
Bau Amma chhaina baini ?? Ask them. Yeta kehi unique pauchha vaneraw ako?
Kun book padhera ako?
Are you me?
Well I used to think that I was dumb as well .I still do cause I don’t have any social life it just revolves around me and me. But now I have accepted the fact that I hate people . I just prefer myself but sometimes saathi (at least saathi chai xa)haru sanga huda I envy them for their ability to put their opinions on words. I guess I’m still learning. Also my family has accepted be as anti social Ik its not good I have to get life and sabai room ma basera mildaina but these days they don’t force me to attend any social events. We are still young let’s take it once at a time. I visit health post myself now(before I would rather die than have my self checked up). So I’m not forcing myself much just taking things with a pace!
Not that much I get lost in my own village where I have been living all these years!!
I don’t have sense of direction at all.
Sometimes life is fun being alone.
It a social anxiety and lack of social behaviour that parents have to teach their children.I am in more worse condition than that but I learn my life is my life on very hard way I don’t compare myself with other and I found many skills in my self. For me life is like empty pages of book you have to write your life story their no another body have right to write your life. It’s hard to live life like that but their better you inside you just give time and explore you find what other do you don’t have to do same to live. Everybody have unique things in them.best of luck
The first step to solving a problem is its realization. Now, you can approach people who have had similar problems but now have overcome them. And follow in their footsteps and create your own path.
samaj le socially active na hune lai lato vandai ma thodi na tyo manxe lato ho lol. tei ho tirmo case ni you are not dumb you are just introvert.
Why the hell do you think you are dumb when you have the capacity to realize your anxious behavior , maybe timlai soji vanda bandai you feel like that most of the time ppl project you what your behaviors and life morals should be they say you are good ,ramri and all that just so they can have a bit control over you , think about it a little bit nobody is sojo/soji we all have different values just because you like to stay indoors or by yourself doesn’t mean ki you are dumb sure wordly kura ma you do need to socialize a bit if you wanna be a part of the society but classes bunk garera , bf banayera ko nai thulo Vaxa ra and trust me baira bata validation nakhoja its gonna bite back at you , iam also 19 rarely social xu but still I give myself the compassion and grace to try things again and no you are still young bistari hunxa sabai yesari aafulai demotivate nagara ,maybe try to do things out of your comfort zone bistari don’t shock yourself pailai , as a friend I know that you will be okay and you will learn the ways of life ,we all do bistari just kasai ko pace chito hunxa ra kasai ko chado ,don’t blame your self for every thing, just tackle one thing at a time .
unless you happy, be whatever you want to be bruhh
Move out, and try to live on your own
Oi Oi Oi Oi do go on describing my character without my consent and I don’t think we’re dumb btw
I didn’t knew that there are female versions of me
Just a personal opinion it would take time to improve
But don’t try to mimic others by being social. Have the personality you are happy with. If you have habit of oversharing with people don’t do that it would cause problem in long run
Our situations make us like this. It changes with time and situations so don’t stress out. Just try your best to improvise yourself.
First of all you are absolutely fine. Second thing is if you don’t like something about yourself then change. But that doesn’t mean you are dumb.
I think this has to do with our nepali society upbringing as our parents and relatives think a child who can’t think about him/herself, a child who all day stays in home do study only don’t play with firends, or even do some kind of mischief in childhood, obeying them in everything without countering them even in somewhat wrong things give them a tag of “sojo/soji” is actually conditioning their children to be ease with their life style rather than giving them their unique personalities which results in developing inability have a strong personality and counter someone’s thoughts or to say ‘no’ in general not being able to have/ explain your point of view in adulthood with other because haven’t learnt it in childhood.
So, to cover up get in that awkward conversation moment and get used to it in a year you will be good to go.
Ps: All from somewhat personal experience.
Us bro us
dont over think n ur not dumb, just chase what piques ur curiosity, try to get out of ur comfort zone u will learn a lot from it, dont get stuck in a rut n last but not the least dont forget to hav fun ur young learn from everyone n everything u can👍
Communication skill kasari badhaune bhanda: Try actively stopping yourself from speaking before thinking. That was a major problem for me, stutter hune bolda, bolna na sakne ani anxious hune. Just take the conversation slow, thorai dhilo react garda kei hunna. Think about what they said and think about what would be an appropriate response. Convo continue garne? Ask questions!
Stop yourself from talking in between someone, and LISTEN. A person who listens =/= shy. Just be someone who listens and talks less, and for continuing a conversation, think about what they said and ask some questions related to that shit. Say some dumb shit, smile and joke around to make the conversation fun (among friends).
Arko kura ta, social anxiety. Yesto ta solution bhanekai “Go out there and talk to people”. They do not care if you mess up. Even if they do, you shouldn’t be caring about what they think about you messing up. Practice gara, timro mom sanga shopping jada, try haggling with the shopkeers. Ekai choti dherai bolnu pardaina, suppose you could start by buying stuff without being anxious, to take it further smile and ask how their day was (daunting task ik) and try to continue the conversation even for a little while.
You know what’s causing problems in your life, realization is the first step to improvement. Try your best, you got this sis!
U probably haven’t seen me then, I am way ugler facing anxiety depression and adding it with hair fall too I was the same back when I was 19 but I had to cope up with it eventually I tried every day to make up conversations and but it was all pointless sitting at home all day no life at all until I had watched am interview of shah rukh khan I was profoundly inspired by him watched his movies and that pedaled my life I had the courage to start conservation but not that quick I tried it when I started by bachelor studies on first day I tried being friendly I was so painfully hard to talk with my eyes straight to them but guess what I saw the world that day I realised that they are all mere human like me they didn’t judge and now they are my best buddies my school life sucked but my college is the best I feel so secure and happy with them I feel like an extrovert around them so just find a way u could flip of ur mind like I did with srk
I can’t say I’ve been through like you are but I know someone who’s the same as you but shes so beautiful so everyone approaches her which sometimes compels her to socialize
Let me tell you whats dumb most of the times. The world , the things society has normalized. 5 years back i would have described myself with the same word you used. now i know that most of the times, its the world thats dumb. Believe me when i say i am the weirdest person i know and accepting that has been the most significant change in my life. Work on your confidence a little and you will see how stupid the world really is. i would rather know you than the version of you you created to fit into the society. Never change to fit in, change to be better. Good luck