Screwed life

Story alli long xa hai but it is worth it

I’m 19 (M).So it all started when i was in 3 class. My dad was transferred to Bhairahawa Airport. My mom and young brother had to go with my dad because he needed help there to stay. I started living with grandparents. I started having anxiety and i didn’t even know i was having anxiety until i was in grade10. I got chance to meet my parents after 2.5 years when i was in grade 6. While i was with my grandparents i got attached to poetry as my grandfather was a book lover and had many collection of famous novel and poems. Everything was fine until i was in 12th. A very close friend of mine died in a bike crash. He was the only person whom i trusted blindly and after 3 months my one relative died who was really close. Losing 2 aspect of life started giving me anxiety again.

I was a type of guy who was a massive flirt and had many girlfriend and sidechick.

I also started writing poetry when i was in 10th and i got many girlfriend because of my flirting nature and poetry.

Class 12th final exam was starting and i met a girl online. She was from Kathmandu and I’m from Pokhara. I was starting to feel a little better after i met her. After 12 exam completed i started doing PTE (IELTS for those who don’t know PTE). She was also doing same.

After i got along with that Kathmandu ko girl. I stopped talking to other girl as i felt she is the one for me.

During the time i started taking cookery class at morning from 6 to 11 and doing partime job from 12 to 5 and reading for PTE from 6 to 7:30 mainly. I didn’t have a bike or scooter. So i travelled by bus everywhere.

Things started to degred again the money my parents saved for me to go abroad was in Sahakari(सहकारी) and a person took all the money and scammed us. The amount was about 35 lakh. I started panicking and at the same time my relationship started to degred. I was busy all day and leave her a message at morning as as soon i get up. She used to reply it and nothing. If I’m busy for 1 or 2 day and didn’t message she had no curiousness about me. Everytime i message her and one day i asked why don’t you message me and just reply? She used to say ki ‘ message garnai lako theye, timile gareu!’ She gave me that excuse for about 3 4 times earlier also

I was already going through so many things loosing 2 people close to me, got scammed and lost all money. And she never cared about me. I was feeling angry as I’m really short tempered person. I deleted chats in viber because those days i deactivated my fb. And guess what she never messaged me again. After 3 4 weeks her bday arrived and i wished her by messaging. All she said was ‘thanks you’. And we never talked but she used to post stories about getting hurrt and somehow i started thinking she’s posting about me indirectly. The girl I’ve mentioned earlier i got attached to her was started to feel I’m in love woth her. I used to rap in poetry stlyle during that time. I thought of gifting her a mixtape of 4 songon her birthday. I wrote a rap poetry for her (a mixtape of 4 songs) she used to like my poetry with rap format. I wrote 1st song about how we met online, 2nd song was about flirting phase and getting to know each other, 3rd song was about we started liking each other. But i didn’t got time to complete my 4th song which i wrote imagining future ith her. And guess what all the songs i wrote we’ve gone through but the fourth song was never completed so we do.

I gave my PTE examination and applied for Australia. Submitted fee somehow but my grandfather got pneumonia and doctor said it was covid and i again started feeling tensed because he is really close to me since i have spent my all childhood with him. He was the only person left whos was really close to me. I booked flight and went to hospital directly and stayed in hospital for 2 weeks and returned back Pokhara.

My girlfriend went Canada. I saw her story walking at evening in Canada. My heart got another hit. Because when we were in start of relationship we confirmed that even if we didn’t last long we will inform each other about going abroad.

Roughly 2 weeks passed my dad fell down and broke his arm and had to perform operation and put a metal rod(titanium) which didn’t needed to be removed. Now, again one family relative passed away. Although he was not that close to me but my family was.

I applied my visa for Australia and was waiting for visa. Another incident happened the rod which was placed in my dad’s arm had to be removed because the screw holding it got loosen up and it is going to cause a problem. I was still hoping i am going get visa and can fullfil everything i’ve wanted. But i got my visa rejected.
That day 10th August 2023 my heart literally shattered. Still didn’t had a single tear in eyes.

A week ago my friend came to Pokhara and we met and went for having drink at night. I drank 4 beer and 3 pegs of rum and started feeling a bit dizzy. I rested my head while i was sitting and A drop of tear went down from my eyes.

I literally cried after 11 years. Before i cried when my mom had to go Bhairahawa with my brother and dad. And last i got tear that day i was drunk.

Now i feel like I’m failed person. I don’t have many friends, i lost my love of life, my 2 close people. And still everytime people say ‘ tero life dhukka xa, talai kei ko tension xaina, talai ta mauj xa hai’ but the truth is nobody knows full story.

Kei vannu xa vaney comment box khali xa

Mailey dherai kura yesma vaneko xaina kinaki story lastai lamo vayo .

---

View on r/Nepal by Dark_Warrior01

---