I am a 29 year old guy living in Kathmandu. To get right to the point, three years back, in November 2020, I attempted meditation at home, Vipassana Meditation. The first day went fine but on the second day I went too deep, I planned to sit for an hour but came out of it after around 4 hours. Something went terribly wrong in my system I guess, but I went mad on the next day after it. The madness lasted for two hours in total. I was back to normal after that, but the very next day I was admitted to a mental rehabilitation centre. I spent 3 and half months there. Everything was fine for the first three months, I made plenty of friends in there, my mental and physical faculties were also fine. But, right at the beginning of the fourth month, I woke up one night with no feelings, no thoughts, a blank mind, no inner monologue, an inability to remember whatever has happened few seconds ago and plenty of other problems. I do not know exactly what is responsible for this but I do suspect that the meds caused it, perhaps the side-effect of them. I was given various meds in the rehab centre , they diagnosed me with psychosis and schizophrenia. That being said, I have never hallucinated in my life, never seen or heard things but well, well, thats another story entirely. I was on psychiatric medication for 15 months. I have been sitting at home for 3 years in total waiting for myself to heal but well the healing has not come. I have been to couple of psychiatrists and a neurologist too, taken the meds that they gave, but nothing changed.
Right now I have
– no feelings
– blank mind
– inability think about anything properly,inability to grasp concepts, inability to plan things out( basically known as cognitive impairment in psych terms)
– inability to properly remember anything that happened few seconds back ( basically worse than Aamir Khan in Ghajini)
– inability to talk properly due to the lack of inner monologue.
– inability to visualize things properly
That being said, I have excellent physical health and I am fit physically.
My question is, what work can someone like me be able to do? My family is middle-class, my father has a business, but he is old now, 63, I do have a brother too who is 19. I would like to try out other treatments now, mainly ayurvedic treatments, but I’m broke af now because I have not worked for past 3 years. Its not that my family cannot afford it, but I’m tired of depending on them. Before this incident, I was doing BSC CSIT, which I left because I cannot do any of that now due to my condition. I used to tutor too. I don’t really have any intellectual ability left anymore and I cannot communicate properly either. I want to work now but I have got no idea what to do.
Help me out with some suggestions. Thank you very much.
If you have some simple jobs/work which I might be able to do as much as my condition permits, please let me know.
Thank you very much.
View on r/Nepal by Ok-Hair5882
Woah , now I don’t know if I want to continue meditation tho but the thing you said about inner monologue not existing isn’t it like not burdensome tara , ppl really try to control their thoughts and monologues it’s the biggest thing that becomes hard , for ppl I think you might wanna check out Micheal singers podcast or his books cause the thing you are experiencing of not having any inner monologue might resonate alikati . Apart form that hope you get well and feel like yourself again !
Etro recollect garera lekhi sakyeu, you’re fine brother.
What am i going to say sounds weird but masturbate. Your brain is like a monkey and that monkey needs to ne brought to a cycle. Once u do that and release then tje monkey can go about its business.
Were you a practised vipasanna meditator or did you try it for the 1st time?
How did you write this much then with your condition?
Try psilocybin mushrooms.
Dont work now get your mental state running in a good condition.
Its not a life changing but you will realize a lot more than you could ever imagine.
Bro, how did did you write tese long long paragraphs when you cannot remember a single thing happened few seconds ago? Is this for only attention seeking purpose or are you in the same mental state that you mentioned above. If you have still existing complications dm me your DOB and I’ll suggest you some solutions.
Go to a real Vipassana meditation centre and talk to the person there.. you can take a real course on the meditation or talk with the main person or guru of the center and seek help… visit other centres if one is not helpful
It seems like you got some form of Samadhi way before your body and mind was ready as far as the explanations go. If you have been meditating for 6+ years, I guess you wouod already know about it.
Were you tinkering with meditation processes randomly like mantras or that sort of stuff during those six years ?
So you medidtate without a guru? I feel like you need a guru you can guide you.