Hey everyone i am 21 m . I am just the normal guy who doesn’t have any friends (real ones) i know lots of people but they aren’t my friends they just treat me like an option so i don’t have any memories or incident in my life with anyone not even with my family. I treat everyone equally,help them with everyone problems (friends or cousins) but they don’t see my value or appreciate it it feels so wrong .if someone do that same thing with me at the end they always appreciate him/her. I am the one who always tries my best so that they appreciate me but it doesn’t happened so as for now i don’t care about anything they don’t if the asked for help i simply turn down or make excuses I don’t know if i was doing right or wrong. I don’t have great childhood or memories with any of them if my parents or my brother say go and help them then i will help otherwise i won’t do. They start talk bad about me they just make me bad Infront of everyone. I don’t have anyone to share this. I feel so lonely and depressed sometimes so i am asking you guys am i the problem. Thank you for reading and please feel free to share some thoughts.
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Don’t be a doormat. You seem to have people pleasing personality. Being kind is a choice, not an obligation.
Walk alone for a while. Work on yourself. Be comfortable being alone. Those who like you would automatically come to you.
No bro… you aren’t the problem…just try to focus on your own shit and don’t care much about what others do or talk and mainly try to keep your expectations low from other people
Noone have real friends bro.
You are not the problem. Having some sort of expectation from others when you are going out of your way to help them is normal. But the thing is, not everyone out there is like you. In fact, I’d go as far to say that the amount of kind people is going extinct by the minute because just like you, they keep getting used and tossed aside. Eventually most of them will realize that no matter what their intentions may be, the world is just not gonna give a fuck. It’s a cruel and shitty place and if you want to survive, you’ve gotta toughen up and learn to be a bit selfish.
I know how you feel because looking back to just a few months younger me, I too, was like you. Whenever anyone used to come to me for help, I used to prioritize their needs over me. I used to let people walk all over me. I had no self respect because I was chasing for some sort of validation from the people around me. I just wanted to feel appreciated. Just wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere. Wanted to have some friends who would contact me for anything else other than asking for favors. Just wanted some company.
You mentioned that you don’t have any memories even with your parents. I can relate to that too. Lived for 20 years in Kathmandu Valley with my parents, never even went to the Durbar Squares or the Pashupatinath, not even once. From what I’ve concluded from my experience, the absence of quality time, love and a feeling of belongingness-all the things that a ‘normal’ person usually has with his family-results in people like us. People who get conditioned to search for such feelings from the external world. But, like I said, the real world is a bitch.
I want to keep ranting endlessly to get some weight off of my chest, however I’ll force myself to stop here. Some advice I’d give are to try and focus on yourself. You probably feel angry and frustrated. Use that emotion to stand up and develop yourself. You might feel depressed at times when you see others having fun with their friends, but try to distract yourself with other things like studying for exams or any other non-destructive habits.
One vital suggestion I would give is to not self isolate. I know it feels as if whatever you do, you are just not good enough. But always keep in mind that there are good people out there as well. You just gotta find your kind. But until then, keep upgrading yourself and your arsenal to effectively chart the rough seas. I wish you the best of luck fellow stranger. May you see better days ahead. Cheers.
i have friends they are nice but i think they are very toxic st the point where everyone in the friend group is better of living on thier own. I realized this and i am in a situation where i have to leave them or be with them cause i have no other friends and what do i do.
I say fuck them and be by myself. Brother ehythe fuck you need other when you have yourself. Improve yourself be kinda and stop pleasing others and be helpful with you own choice.
As an introvert, I just gave up on making friends. I’m way happier now and living a carefree life.
Grow up
Yes, You are the problem but for yourself. People dont have to see your works and appreciate you. You should make a menatlity of appreciating yourself for the work. Aja naherla , tyai euta particular person le naherla tara kunai na kunai din kasaile herera appreciate garihalcha ni. So, dont quit doing things when you dont see any appreciation. Appreciate yourself, Move Ahead…..
This is where a bit of a westernisation and a moving out cultureafter would help alot to break off from a toxic family.
Although it is still great that we do have a strong family house traditional culture to support stronger family values while also overall lessening total expenditure and burden on the family which also cuts down on homelessness.
If you feel you are unappreciated and undervalued by your family and friends, it’s time to have a talk with them and try to amend things. If they do not even try to listen, these people are hopeless and have never sought a harmonious relationship with you. They will only notice your presence after you are absent then they will chase you but not because they realised they love you or miss you but to keep using and take advantage of you.
If the talks have failed, it is perhaps time to start plans and attempts in order to be completely independent and cut off once you graduate successfully from a university and have stability.
Welcome to adulthood
Bro everybody almost feels this way one way or the other. For now you should work on yourself. Go exerxi6, do yoga, practice mediation….dont just sit on your ass and feel sorry for yourself, I’m sorry to say this to you bother but no one is coming to save you… You have to be the savior yourself. At least you have a family that looks after you some don’t even have that privilege. Life is actually a beautiful place, please don’t waste your time on other people and about what they might think… Do what you want to do!
But seriously though, if you want to get better work on yourself…. Start working out brother, start to exercise, meditate and do yoga and I guarantee youll fell 100x better in 15days or less.
And if you need some help on where to start you can always message me… I’ll definitely help you start your new and improved journey in this chaotic but wonderful life!!!
Well you are definitely not the problem. My personal experience with life was like yours when I was of your age (Nuclear family, with only sibling in the spectrum, introvert nature, pleasing personality). I used to be hurt a lot then. But as I grew old (now I am 35) I like this thing about myself and I have understood actually we all are different and its okay to be different. The thing what matters most is how we “live” our life. Being “emotionally alone” and enjoying life is the best thing one can do. So it really doesn’t matter if you don’t have memories with your closed ones. Make memories with yourself. And give a try to meditation. There are many organization who teach you technicalities of meditation. Take their course and apply it. It will definitely change the way you are feeling right now. Or find out things which you can enjoy on your own like solo hiking, painting, reading etc. And learn to say no. If you don’t want to say “No”. You need not run with the crowd. You live your life your way!
Don’t make other’s opinion reason of your happiness all the time. And definitely you are not the problem!
Get better people around you.
I felt the same way from class 5 dekhi 12 samma huda. After that I realized that you are obligated to hang around the same assholes anymore. Just meet new people yaar. Be around people who get excited when they see you. Trust me it really changes the way you are.
It also always isn’t the other person’s fault because you might be raised a certain way and they were probably brought up differently. Find topics you both are interested in and cultivate a healthy relationship that way.
Also, don’t always be thinking about how you are nice and they are not. Stop making it all about you, everyone has their own lives and problems and might be in stages in life where they have something else to focus on. It’s always about the perspective you think in and it is pretty easy to change it. Be better by having better people around you.
Darshan Namaste 🙏🏼
Yo bud common, let’s be a pen friend and share each other’s feelings. I’m also in the same situation in life.
Get help brother.
How?