Alone all over again

I am gonna go straight to the point. I DONT want anyone I know to hear my story but saying it anonymously will help in Reddit.

I did everything for my parents, being their younger son but they never understoodwhat it meant to be a parent. I never disclosed anything in my life to them since the past 20+ years. I always tried to be a good son in their eyes and never smoked, never drank, always topped college and even started earning way more than an average Nepali. I was the perfect son who knew how to cook, cleaned up after himself and I even paid them since birth by adding interest as my mother demanded so. I left the only person i loved 3 years ago. I was with her for 7 years ani because of my mom’s hate for Newars i had to leave her because i couldnt let the love of my life get destroyed just as I was by my mother. (Long story short, I made her hate me by telling her that I cheated on her with our mutual friend and told the mutual friend that this was for her best). She got depressed because of me, I attempted to kill myself due to loneliness during covid as I refrained from talking with her, my family never helped and never noticed me lighting up cigarettes and drinking daily.I only messaged her for 7 years, noone else, she was all that I had when it came to talking or being with someone. I had lost all friends and my family was too busy grieving over the elder son who went abroad to notice my situation. I fixed my love’s life by helping her father’s business anonymously. Her family status got better after that. I helped her secure a monthly 50k job in Nepal by bribing my friend with some liquor. I did it all for her, and was always the bad guy in her eyes. I started to get too lonely so I got into riding and earned my way up to a superbike started modifying it and taking care of it. It helped me forget her during the day instead of grieving all the time. I wanted to talk to her and tell her the truth everyday, how everything I did was so that i could buy my own piece of land and construct a home and mainly get away from my mother who never understood how to be a friend instead of someone who only complains about giving birth to me, because everything i do is never enough. My parents earn crores yearly and i earn lakhs ONLY using my own money. So i will never be good enough for them. They never awknowledge me. My dad tries to at times but ends up listening to my mother who cries and nags over everything.
It has been 3 years since i left the person i loved, yet i dream of her every single day. I found out she was going to a foreign country, I attempted to talk to her but was blocked everywhere. I made a new sim card and gathered up my guts after saying to myself, “No, she hates me” 10000 times. Then i called her, she didnt pick up, i called her again and no answer again. I then gathered the guts and messaged everything in Whatsapp. Seen, no reply. I realized that i should have just left my sirname and my family and always been with her because i cannot even touch a girl because of me stilll being in love with her. After a few days, her reply came, She said she hates me, she has someone and for me to get a “fucking life bro”. I know she would never say any of these but her current boyfriend probably was the one who messaged this. I have everything in the world that i desired for except for love. And im stuck here deciding whether or not to go abroad to the country she went to recently and be the creepy stalker or be with my mother who has always made me feel down and never appreciated me in my life.
Thank you for reading.

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