Need some help to sort out my life.
Hello guys, I frequently see people asking for counsel so I thought I might do the same. I’m almost 22 and I’m very lonely. I’m currently studying engineering and stay in hostel. My problem is most days of the week I’m sad and I’m constantly overthinking things. I’m most of the time surrounded by people but I feel I cant really connect with them most of the time. Most guys near me play physical games, video game or have girlfriends but I feel have nothing to enjoy to. I spend most of my time reading (fiction, nonfiction, textbooks) and other than that its social media or going to college. You could say I have a very empty life. I’m also very insecure of my looks. I’m below average in how I look and its been bothering me so much. I mean I constantly check my face in front camera as if I’ll look better next time. I’m an introvert so I cant really do that much of small talk. There’s also this girl that I really like since late 2019 but I couldn’t talk that much with her and she probably doesnt like me either(considering how I look) and the problem is I cant get her off my thoughts. I tried to forget about her during the lockdown but now whenever I see her all those feelings come back to me and I know I can do nothing about it. Sometimes I really hate my predicament and I hate that I have to be through all these things. I know its my life and I have to get through these things, but man sometimes I cant help it and start crying alone in my room. Talking about my education, I’ve above average marks and I’m a good enough programmer but I’ve not been able to do anything with it. I’m currently in my 3rd year so I’m thinking of becoming a ML researcher but sometimes I’m really confused. I see people around me making connections, doing internships but I’ve not been able to do any of that. I hate the fact that I’m this unsocial but I cant do anything about it. Sometimes I feel its something wrong with my biochemistry that makes me this sad and low. Kei suggestions xa malai..?